Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Best Posts of 2008 Round-up

Happy New Years, poker people! Hope you all have had a very fun and/or profitable year, I know I have. Hell's Cold Day is still going strong a year and a quarter later and I still have more wisdom and wise cracks for 2009. For now, I leave you with this years best posts according to PostRank!

Many happy returns and don't forget your old acquaintance,


Monday, December 29, 2008

Grundy on Women (if you know what I mean)


I don't usually take the time to respond to wayward posts from misinformed bloggers, but a certain Mrs. Goodson of TourneyBlog fame posted such an extremely sexist article on her personal blog "Mama Loves Poker" that I have to rebut. And, man, do I hate rebutting.

She goes on to say how women are better poker players, citing qualities such as intuition and the ability to multitask. Intuition is just guessing with a feminine spin on it. Men use skills such as deduction and reason and deductive reasoning to come to our conclusions in both life and poker. Guessing is a tactic of the clueless. And the idea that women are better multitaskers is both a sweeping generalization and a complete falsehood. If the underlying point being made here is that women are too scatter brained to focus on the game, than I tend to agree. Not to mention their inability to process emotions. It's a wonder they aren't constantly on tilt.

I have been accused of stereotyping women. "Women are lousy poker players." "Woman can't drive." Yes, those are stereotypes. Stereotypes were created because they are USUALLY true. Not always, but usually. Black people USUALLY like fried chicken. I would argue that anyone who is not a vegetarian likes chicken and that frying any food makes it better tasting. So everyone USUALLY likes fried chicken.

But I digress.

Mrs. Goodson also mentioned that good looks give women an advantage at the poker table. This may be true with the stakes she usually plays, but the high rollers USUALLY put a higher value on cash than eye candy. Besides, MOST ladies who are into cards aren't perfect 10s anywho.

So clearly Mrs. Goodson is a blatant sexist who should really know better. I mean, her name is Goodson! Not Gooddaughter!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Knowing When to Quit: A Public Service Announcement.

When I'm sitting at the table not playing at my standard or better, I quit. If I'm losing in races or I fall victim to bad beats, or even if I make one or two mistakes, I usually stay the course. It is when I'm bleeding chips, tired, on tilt, distracted, or just not "feeling it" that I quit. And quit I should.

I'm talking about quitting for the day or even the week. I'm talking about quitting on the micro-scale. But what about the macro?

I'm assuming that you have been playing poker for a while. The year's end is upon us and we should take t his time to reflect on our performance. Are you up? If you are in the green that is an excellent indicator of performance, and you can only truly know if you are up if you have taken my previous advice and made note of your sessions. Green = you are, at the very least, a better than average poker player. Profitability paired with your enjoyment of playing relative to the time you invest in some equation only you can create sums up whether or not you should continue playing poker.

That said, you can be unprofitable and enjoy the game enough to justify your play. Although I would ask from where your enjoyment comes. For example: I love the game in the same way some people love chess or Halo or Football. It is a test of my abilities against other people's abilities. I don't play against the house. I don't play for the gamble. Luck is a part of the game, but not my part.

I bring this up because my blog is meant to make you a better player and offer entertaining diversions to those interested in cards. It is not meant to encourage compulsive gamblers. If luck is your part of the game, if the thrill of risk is what you are paying for with your chips, all I ask is that you make sure you can afford it. Know when to quit.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Where to get your card guard

Like a good nickname, a card guard can add a little character to your Poker Personality. A fine example of this is Greg Raymer's fossil, which covered both bases as his name became "Fossilman."

To be fair, the main purpose of card guards is to, um, guard your cards. Decorative chips are a familiar option. I have a couple of those that I have either bought or won over the years. I have also been known to employ a bouncy ball at the tables. I like them for three reasons. Firstly, they are cheap so if I feel so inclined I can throw it in the pot without real fear of losing it. Secondly, they are cheap so I can chuck it across the room after a bad beat without real fear of losing it. And thirdly, they are colorful.

But this isn't about me, it's about you. If you already use a unique card card, let me know in the comments; but if you don't, I have a good place to get one--your local pet store.

Whaaa? Yes, Pets Mart...or is it Pet Smart...has a fine selection of card guards in their aquarium section. I'm talking about those under sea lawn ornaments that the fish poop on. Think about it. The gruff pirate, the glaring octopus, the "card" shark all fit perfectly with poker's aquatic metaphors. Ever hear about the fish who caught the full boat on the river? Plus some of those miniatures are downright intimidating!

You're welcome.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Full Canoes and Cat-burglaries

Sorry for the post slow-down from my worse half, Grundy, but I'm back to pick up the slack! Back from where you ask? Well, I served some time for cat-burglary, which apparently is illegal in some states. (Looking at you, Virginia.) I've been playing the best poker of my life from the inside and think it is time to spread the wealth with my priceless (free in this case) tips.

Poker is a game of anatomy. The best hand will keep you from defeat! There are many possibilities for strong hands: a full house, four of a kind, the coveted straight flush. However, just because a hand is rare, doesn't make it a winner. Let me tell you about a little hand I like to call a full canoe!

Three-pair, ladies and degenerates, I have deemed the full canoe. I have prepared a mathematical proof for the explain its power.

A pair such as 88, can be trumped by two pair such as 4477, that much we know. It stands to reason that three pair beats both. Lets take this proof a step farther. A full house beats two pair because a full house uses five cards while the two pair uses only four. See where I'm going with this? Three pair uses six! Extending my theorem the full canoe beats everything but a seven card straight, flush or straight flush.

Readers, we do NOT live in a fair and just world. I have used this master hand in practise and have been met with much poker bigotry. "It's the best FIVE card hand" they say. "Where did you learn to play poker?" they ask. "Come back here!" they demand as I'm running to the door with the kitty. Don't worry, the next day I usually give them back said cat in exchange for cash.

Anywho, nevermind the critics! Play your full canoes! Get either a good lawyer or better getaway driver! And shuffle up and deal!

Friday, December 5, 2008

The Twitter Poker Tour

As you may have gathered from previous posts, Twitter is my new favorite social networking/micro-blogging site. If you haven't checked it out, check it out. Give it a little time as you will need to follow and be followed by some peeps to get anything out of it. By all means follow me @Grundy and I'll followback.

I've met some poker buddies on Twitter and thought it would be fun get a weekly game started. Well, two said buddies (@pokerplasm and @cprpoker) took the proverbial ball and bounced with it. Enter: the Twitter Poker Tour!

The TPT is a weekly on-line game open to any Twitter users. It alternates between the poker sites Fulltilt and Poker may have heard of them. The buy-in is $5 and a bounty is usually in place. We play Thursday nights.

For more information check out the official site. The game this coming Thursday is at Fulltilt!