Monday, December 8, 2008

Full Canoes and Cat-burglaries

Sorry for the post slow-down from my worse half, Grundy, but I'm back to pick up the slack! Back from where you ask? Well, I served some time for cat-burglary, which apparently is illegal in some states. (Looking at you, Virginia.) I've been playing the best poker of my life from the inside and think it is time to spread the wealth with my priceless (free in this case) tips.

Poker is a game of anatomy. The best hand will keep you from defeat! There are many possibilities for strong hands: a full house, four of a kind, the coveted straight flush. However, just because a hand is rare, doesn't make it a winner. Let me tell you about a little hand I like to call a full canoe!

Three-pair, ladies and degenerates, I have deemed the full canoe. I have prepared a mathematical proof for the explain its power.

A pair such as 88, can be trumped by two pair such as 4477, that much we know. It stands to reason that three pair beats both. Lets take this proof a step farther. A full house beats two pair because a full house uses five cards while the two pair uses only four. See where I'm going with this? Three pair uses six! Extending my theorem the full canoe beats everything but a seven card straight, flush or straight flush.

Readers, we do NOT live in a fair and just world. I have used this master hand in practise and have been met with much poker bigotry. "It's the best FIVE card hand" they say. "Where did you learn to play poker?" they ask. "Come back here!" they demand as I'm running to the door with the kitty. Don't worry, the next day I usually give them back said cat in exchange for cash.

Anywho, nevermind the critics! Play your full canoes! Get either a good lawyer or better getaway driver! And shuffle up and deal!

1 comment:

  1. You are a genius, fine sir! And you were sorely missed.

    On the poker note, what about 4 pair? Does that have a name?