Wednesday, December 16, 2009

The HellsColdDay Relationship Game

pokerloveA friend of mine and I came up with a way for guys to convey relationship status and satisfaction without having to use terms like “love” and “emotion.” It works by relating a current relationship to a starting hold’em hand. At first, it shows the early satisfaction with the new girlfriend as an analog of the strength of the hand. As the relationship matures, a year into the future let’s say, the game continues by adding a flop to the metaphor. By marriage, a turn. And after years of matrimony, the river.

Example: If a girl enters my friend’s life. He is immediately happy with her, but is unsure about a lasting future, he’d tell me he met a 77. As we know, mid pocket pairs are great starting hands, but with little room for improvement. If the relationship lasts a year, he might tell me he saw a flop of 4 6 9. This would tell me the relationship is going about as well as it did at the begining. Only one overcard lets me know that the risk of them breaking up is still relatively low. The chance at a straight says she could be the one, but it would take a runner-runner, so still not likely. If my friend was thinking about marriage seriously, I would have expected at least another 7 of the flop.

I’ve made some observations on the game. Most first loves start out with immense infatuation, the metaphorical pocket rockets. These immature relationships usually don’t improve on the flop turn or river, and you end up with a weak hand in the end. Sure, there are cases of high school sweatheats living happily ever after, and those cases can be somed up with aces catching trips on the flop and four-of-a-kind of the turn. Unfortually, this is a rare hand. I feel the strongest foundation for a realationship would be seen as a suited A K. A love that blossums into an early flush on the flop and only improves to a royal flush by the river. In other words, true love.

While this game can be used by either sex, it is tailor-made for guys who often poorly express their feelings, especially to other dudes. Give this exercise a whirl and if it doesn’ work out for you...hate the player, not the game.

Note: This is not to be confused with the method of rating the attractivness of the opposite sex by relating them to a blackjack hand. I first heard of this on the television show How I Met Your Mother. For example a hand like 10 A or anything equallying 11 would be ideal, because you’re saying that you’d hit that. It’s less of a relationship game and more of a one-off gag, but funny all the same.


  1. Ha, that's a great system. I wish my friends were that cool.

  2. The grass is always cooler on the other side.

  3. Just one question- where can I get a U of hearts like the one you have?

  4. I went to the DMV and got a poetic license.

  5. I went to the DMV and got a poetic license.